i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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