she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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