Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize