he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize