Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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