Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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