I can tuck mytits in my pants
he puts the penis in happiness.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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