id be glad to
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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