are you still at the devil's house?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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