never play flip cup with pint glasses
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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