we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize