So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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