i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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