He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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