dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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