Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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