i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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