Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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