Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize