Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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