Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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