my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize