Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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