it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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