Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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