took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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