Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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