I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize