Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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