I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize