dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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