At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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