The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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