Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We got so high we made milksteak
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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