i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize