Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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