I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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