She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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