i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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