New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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