rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Too much gin, very little bucket
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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