I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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