Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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