"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize