No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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