If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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