She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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