you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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