I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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