There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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